Leap

A cursor blinking on a blank page, waiting to be filled with words, thoughts, the ramblings of a person who doesn’t know where to begin.

I haven’t forgotten you. In fact, you’re all I’ve been thinking about. Anecdotes, topics, things to discuss, constantly rolling through my brain. I’ve been scared to open Pandora’s Box, concerned as to what may fall out.

I’ve been guarded, defensive and protective of what runs through my head, but now it’s time to take a leap.

I was made to write. That may sound arrogant, but it’s true. And I’ve been pushing it aside, trudging through long workdays, finding solace in my bed at night when the day is finally over. I’ve been tired and sluggish. Life still goes on. I’m surrounded by great people, who have helped and encouraged me.

I haven’t forgotten you.

Here is my leap, my jump off of a cliff.

I put in my two weeks without another job lined up. It wasn’t the essence of the job, it was my unhappiness with my place in the world. It wasn’t me. It wasn’t where I was meant to be. I wanted more, but was scared to take the first step, teetering securely with a paycheck that barely covered my bills, allowed me to take moderate adventures, but it still wasn’t enough.

I crave this, my friends. Tapping at keys and forcing myself to negotiate over my next words. Will they be too harsh? Should I be funnier? Less serious? More serious? A million topics and opinions in my brain and I still struggle with what to put here on digital paper for public consumption.

A slim part is based on what you’ll think of me after reading what I write. A bigger part is having the courage to take a proverbial first step and just fucking do it already, man.

This turned out way shorter than I thought it would be, but it’s been churning in my head for days.

The cursor blinking on a blank page is more intimidating than I remembered, perhaps because I’m so out of practice.

So, here we go. Read it or not. If nothing else, it’s only for me because here I am, taking my scary, liberating and, probably in retrospect, melodramatic, leap.