Hi, y'all.
So, I'm lying here in bed, trying to sleep, and my mind is flooded with a million different thoughts. I've not really made it public knowledge, but I've had enough people ask, so here's the deal:
I resigned from my job at MedStar Health Corporate; I played out my two weeks (and one day, if you really want to get down to the semantics) and my last day with the company was July 3. My resignation had nothing to do with the company as a whole. I was proud to work with my team and on the projects we accomplished. I loved my coworkers, and I believe that they will go on to do great things and have the capacity to change the game in healthcare.
However, my position was not meeting my needs and not fulfilling my desire for a new challenge. I felt stuck, I'm 32 and I needed to make a move. The prior statement has nothing to do with the respect that I have for my coworkers who are in the same position; if anything, they are more tolerant in a corporate environment than I. Or, maybe they have the unique ability to separate work life from home life, which I do not, and is sometimes my greatest downfall.
As a person who tries to plan their life, taking into consideration (read: obsessing about all details, hypothetical outcomes, etc...), not having a job lined up immediately was a big risk. And while this factor continues to be a big risk, I made moves in order to secure myself financially for a couple of months (my own money; I don't rely on others unless I'm deadpan broke and on the street), apply for jobs that I really wanted and take a short sabbatical, if you will. I'd rather do it now than in the middle of a polar vortex.
This is not something everyone can do, and, if my circumstances had been different, maybe I had kids or a significant other to consider, I would have stuck it out longer. But, with hours of my life tied up in traffic, long work hours and a handful of other mitigating factors of which I will not delve into in a public forum, it was either going to be me having a serious mental breakdown, or saving myself. I chose to save myself.
This is some real shit I'm about to throw out at you now, some of it you may know, friend or reader, some you may not. It's not for pity or any type of attention, it's just the fucking truth, and it's shit that people don't talk about as much as they should:
For some reason, in our society, telling people that you've struggled more than half your life trying to understand and manage depression, horrible anxiety, body issues, self-esteem issues, bulimia, is, to me, so much harder than telling someone that you have a physical issue that they can see, that can be measured. You can take a bunch of pills, you can talk to a therapist and these things are great. But you're the one who is in your head every day and you're the only one who can fix you. That's a great lesson that I've learned over the years, which is why I'm selectively vocal about the subject, and do my best not to burden others with a cycle that I've been though countless times. I know the drill. I know how to fix it. It's just being cognizant of it and taking the appropriate steps. Over and over and over again. Some times it's easier than others. Sometimes you feel like you can't take another step without falling over. That shit is cray, ain't it, Jay?
With that in mind, it's hard to see, over time, when you begin to lose yourself and fall back into the cycle, the things you loved to do, the people you love being around. Your friends, families. It's not until you take a step away do you realize how you've spiraled into a copacetic individual whose lust for life has faded. You (I) are simply existing and not contributing to your own well-being, your social circle or society. And really, that fucking sucks. Why else are we here? What's the point if you can't be remotely happy a fair amount of the time?
Therefore, I decided to eliminate that particular stress factor from my life. You may or may not agree with my decision, and that's totally your opinion. But, for me, in retrospect, it was one of the best decisions I've made in my life.
There's some bullshit saying about how life is about the journey, not the destination. I don't know where I'll end up, but I'll figure it the fuck out. I have a plan, I have some temporary resources at my disposal and I'll Tim Gunn the shit out of it and make it work. Failure is not an option in my life; it never has been. Ups and downs, yes. Complete failure, no. I have too much at stake, mentally, personally and professionally to be in a position where I became a shell of a person, and that's not who I want to be.
In the end, I don't feel the need to justify my decisions or actions to anyone. I'm not hurting anyone; in fact, I'm helping the number one person who needed help and that's me. Generally (unless you either have seriously unforeseen circumstances or are a serious douchebag), you have people around who love and care for you, who only want the best and they just want to see you happy. Those are the important people to keep and hang onto. Thick or thin. Ride or die. And they are amazing individuals to be witness and try to help this one girl through her shit, even when she's a stubborn B who hates accepting the aforementioned help (sorry, I'm working on it).
Means to everyone's individual end choices are a funny thing, but that's what makes us who we are, and makes us unique.
Drone away and get consumed by the fire. Light a fire within yourself and own that shit.
I don't know if this writing was meant to be explanatory or maybe just cathartic to me, but if you're still reading, thanks.
If not, what do you want for nothing?
A Rubber Biscuit?
Take a chance. The worst you can do is be up at 1AM ranting and ending your post with a Blues Brothers song. There are more terrible things in life.
Thanks for Reading,
A
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Thursday, July 17, 2014
Monday, June 23, 2014
Leap
A cursor blinking on a blank page, waiting to be filled with words, thoughts, the ramblings of a person who doesn’t know where to begin.
I
haven’t forgotten you. In fact, you’re all I’ve been thinking about. Anecdotes,
topics, things to discuss, constantly rolling through my brain. I’ve been
scared to open Pandora’s Box, concerned as to what may fall out.
I’ve
been guarded, defensive and protective of what runs through my head, but now it’s
time to take a leap.
I was
made to write. That may sound arrogant, but it’s true. And I’ve been pushing it
aside, trudging through long workdays, finding solace in my bed at night when
the day is finally over. I’ve been tired and sluggish. Life still goes on. I’m
surrounded by great people, who have helped and encouraged me.
I
haven’t forgotten you.
Here
is my leap, my jump off of a cliff.
I put
in my two weeks without another job lined up. It wasn’t the essence of the job,
it was my unhappiness with my place in the world. It wasn’t me. It wasn’t where
I was meant to be. I wanted more, but was scared to take the first step,
teetering securely with a paycheck that barely covered my bills, allowed me to
take moderate adventures, but it still wasn’t enough.
I
crave this, my friends. Tapping at keys and forcing myself to negotiate over my
next words. Will they be too harsh? Should I be funnier? Less serious? More
serious? A million topics and opinions in my brain and I still struggle with
what to put here on digital paper for public consumption.
A
slim part is based on what you’ll think of me after reading what I write. A
bigger part is having the courage to take a proverbial first step and just
fucking do it already, man.
This
turned out way shorter than I thought it would be, but it’s been churning in my
head for days.
The
cursor blinking on a blank page is more intimidating than I remembered, perhaps
because I’m so out of practice.
So,
here we go. Read it or not. If nothing else, it’s only for me because here I
am, taking my scary, liberating and, probably in retrospect, melodramatic,
leap.
An Introduction to my Music Obsession, or Wednesday.
I'm sick of talking about feelings and reflecting.
Let's get down to some nitty, gritty music talk.
Here's the deal: I am a music whore. I need it to survive, I have a soundtrack going all day long and it often times reflects, helps me cope and sets my mood for the day. I would completely die with out it and that's not an exaggeration. I'm pretty sure I would go completely insane.
I don't have many addictions, but this is a serious addiction that has manifested over the years into a ridiculous obsession to the point where it greatly defines my person. Kinda like Gollum when he had The Ring (Lord of the Rings, reference, watch out!). Music is My Precious. I've spent a lot of hard-earned cash and my time (and probably other peoples' time) over the years amassing my collection and I love each and every piece of musical medium that I own. Books, CDs, MP3s, Mixed CDs from the 90s, Memorabilia, Concert Stubs. I crave it, I collect it, I hoard it, I analyze and over analyze it, I obsess, I retain random facts, I study, I read constantly about it, I quiz people about what they listen to and why, I talk about it, I write about it. So, if that doesn't spell out my relationship with music pretty clearly, I don't know what else will for you.
Let's talk genres for a minute. If I were a character in an RPG, this is what I would look like (with respect to Music only):
Faction: Neutral
I would be approximately a Level 62 Rock History Scholar with a subset of skills in Musicology (this hypothetical comparison is ranked out of 100 Levels, duh).
Attributes
Indie/Hipster Cred: +75
90s Music Icon Knowledge: +85
Classic Rock (approximately from1955-1972) History: +85
Blues Spirit: +65
Punk Rebel: +55
Legit Hip-Hop/Rap Enthusiast: +50
Old School Hillbilly: +35
Generic Pop Queen: +65
Motown & Soul Sista: +50
Hair Metal Thrasher: +35
Funky White Girl: +35
Goth/Hardcore: +40
Weaknesses
Current Pop Shit: -45
Country, 1970 - Present: -75
Jam Bands: -65
Easy Listening: -90
Electronica/Dance: -75
One-Hit Wonders (all eras): -70
Emo: -1000000
You're welcome
So now that you're all caught up on my Music stats, generally speaking, let's talk about a few musical points that I have floating around in my brain that you may or may not get some use out of:
Senses: June 22, 2011
Sounds: Today, I had to turn the Goddamn radio off because, the 45 minutes I was in the car this morning, I must've heard six U2 songs spread across various stations because those bitches fall into just about every genre and station that I listen to on a regular basis and I wanted to throw myself into oncoming traffic. When I got into work, it was random iPod shuffle for a while, then Warren Zevon, a little bit of the Velvet Underground (I also heard two different Lou Reed songs on two different stations this morning, which was weird. Maybe it was his birthday or something). Then, I got involved in turntable.fm (as mentioned above) and it was all over. I capped the day off after Zach and Kirk had left work (and the fun DJ room) with some Nerdist (#51: Comedians You Should Know!). Eagles of Death Metal on my evening commute and Mike Doughty, who Anna was listening to, when I actually got home. Now, as I type this, I'm in the "Indie While You Work" public room on turntable.fm listening to a bunch of random shit, including the White Stripes, Yeah Yeah Yeahs, !!! and some weird Indie remixes. All in all, it's not bad. It's nice to hear things that I haven't heard a million times already from my library.
Sights: I had to go to Camden Yards first thing this morning when their box office opened to exchange tickets for a baseball game for our crew of friends (long story short - I bought cheap tickets through Towson U as an alumni, which was a game against the Yankees, and it got rained out so I was exchanging that group of tickets for this Friday's game against the Reds, who haven't been to town since like, 1975 or something). It was a little past 9am and the Yard looked lovely. If I hadn't been on a time crunch to get to work, I might've explored it a little more, but this is a quick picture that I snapped while I was there, using the Instagr.am program for iPhone:
Taste: I had kind of a weird lunch today that consisted of lettuce from our CSA (we have a ton of lettuce and mixed greens), cucumber, red pepper, grapes, leftover chicken (shredded) from two chickens I baked a while ago (don't worry, the chicken wasn't gross, we froze portions of it) and leftover squash and zucchini from dinner last night, with a honey Mister Mustard (another obsession) vinaigrette that I made. Overall, it was okay, but it was pretty random. Dinner was much better: grilled, BBQ thick-cut pork chop topped with mango, grilled zucchini and couscous with dried cherries, a ton of pepper and a smattering of good parm for some saltiness. I, of course, snapped a pic of that as well because I love grill marks (using Hipstamatic):
Touch: I didn't take note of any interesting touch today. Right now my hands are really dry and I've officially gone through four boxes of Kleenex since I contracted the Black Plague a week and a half ago. So, other than that, I haven't really been touching much stuff. I did see Gidget (my mom's blind Jack Russell terrier) today and she was fun to pet.
Smell: No particular smells, either. My face still sucks. I'll pick the smell of dinner cooking on the grill tonight. That was pretty rad.
Recap: Today was super fun because of the turntable.fm discovery. Otherwise, I accomplished just about everything I set out to do today, including writing this Blog because I'm tired and now dragging. So I'm just gonna end it.
I hope you all have a lovely evening, even if you are forced to hear all about U2 and Bono for the rest of the week.
-A-
Let's get down to some nitty, gritty music talk.
Here's the deal: I am a music whore. I need it to survive, I have a soundtrack going all day long and it often times reflects, helps me cope and sets my mood for the day. I would completely die with out it and that's not an exaggeration. I'm pretty sure I would go completely insane.
I don't have many addictions, but this is a serious addiction that has manifested over the years into a ridiculous obsession to the point where it greatly defines my person. Kinda like Gollum when he had The Ring (Lord of the Rings, reference, watch out!). Music is My Precious. I've spent a lot of hard-earned cash and my time (and probably other peoples' time) over the years amassing my collection and I love each and every piece of musical medium that I own. Books, CDs, MP3s, Mixed CDs from the 90s, Memorabilia, Concert Stubs. I crave it, I collect it, I hoard it, I analyze and over analyze it, I obsess, I retain random facts, I study, I read constantly about it, I quiz people about what they listen to and why, I talk about it, I write about it. So, if that doesn't spell out my relationship with music pretty clearly, I don't know what else will for you.
Let's talk genres for a minute. If I were a character in an RPG, this is what I would look like (with respect to Music only):
Faction: Neutral
I would be approximately a Level 62 Rock History Scholar with a subset of skills in Musicology (this hypothetical comparison is ranked out of 100 Levels, duh).
Attributes
Indie/Hipster Cred: +75
90s Music Icon Knowledge: +85
Classic Rock (approximately from1955-1972) History: +85
Blues Spirit: +65
Punk Rebel: +55
Legit Hip-Hop/Rap Enthusiast: +50
Old School Hillbilly: +35
Generic Pop Queen: +65
Motown & Soul Sista: +50
Hair Metal Thrasher: +35
Funky White Girl: +35
Goth/Hardcore: +40
Weaknesses
Current Pop Shit: -45
Country, 1970 - Present: -75
Jam Bands: -65
Easy Listening: -90
Electronica/Dance: -75
One-Hit Wonders (all eras): -70
Emo: -1000000
You're welcome
So now that you're all caught up on my Music stats, generally speaking, let's talk about a few musical points that I have floating around in my brain that you may or may not get some use out of:
- I'm running low on new music to obsess over. The last thing I got was Flogging Molly's new album, "Speed of Darkness," which is okay but it's not striking me like I need to listen to it and absorb it. Previous to that was Lykke Li and, again, I liked it, but I'm not fawning all over her. I think one of the last albums I fell all over myself about was Iron & Wine, "Kiss Each Other Clean." I don't know what it is about that album, but I totally fucking loved it and listened to it on repeat a million times when they were streaming it prior to the album being released. I think I'm being a musical schizophrenic at the moment and nothing is seriously striking my fancy because I don't know what I'm looking for. Hopefully something awesome comes along soon because I'm going a little mad. I feel like if I don't have something new to wrap my greasy little paws around every few weeks or so I start to get a little twitchy about it.
- Turntable.fm. This shit is awesome. Two of my lovely friends, Zach and Kirk, that own and run wndr (they do a myriad of things, mostly interactive development, branding and advertising. Also, shameless plug, they're legit. Among a bunch of other stuff, check out the site they did for David Lynch, which just happens to be a music site. Don't you love the tie-in?!) told me about it after I was bitching about Pandora deleting one of my radio stations and it's super fun. Being a nosy music bitch, it's a way to essentially DJ, either with a few friends or in the public music rooms, and see what other people are listening to and playing. I had a great afternoon at work listening to picks from myself, Zach and Kirk and can't wait to see what they play tomorrow. They're fellow music junkies like me, so it's nice to be in the same company and have someone else entertain you with their selections during the day when you get frustrated with trying to pick everything yourself.
- I need to get some sort of digital music system happening in my car. My CD situation is out of control. If I had thought about it earlier, I would have taken a photo of the inside of my car with my shitload of cds and showed you this problem. I'm thinking that getting an auxiliary jack installed will be the easiest way to remedy this problem because then I can plug my iPod right into it and have everything at my fingertips without the CD issue. Don't even suggest the radio transmitter situation, I need something hardwired. I wasted $100 a couple of years ago on a Monster transmitter, thinking that it would be awesome and it totally fucking sucked out my will to live. So I don't want another one of those. A head unit would be awesome, but I'm not made out of money here, people.
- U2 is playing Raven Stadium tonight. My mom is there, about half of my friends are there. You couldn't pay me enough to see that fucking tour. Not only do I dislike U2, although I can respect them for their role in music history and development, I think that being stuck in a crowd of 80,000 at a stadium and then having to deal with the subsequent clusterfuck that ensues when you try to corral 80,000 people into doing something is totally not worth it to see a giant 360 crab stage and Bono fucking yelling about how awesome he is. No thanks. I genuinely hope that any of my friends that saw/are currently seeing them have a great time and it's everything they want it to be, though.
- UPDATE: Our friend Frank has confirmed that Virgin Mobile Fest is happening at Merriweather again this year. We had such a fucking blast last year, I can't wait to go again this year!! Merriweather's shows have been sucking lately and/or I haven't been available to go to the ones I wanted to attend (see example: Mumford and Sons, who played the night before my best friend's wedding of which I was the Maid of Honor). We had a 2010 Merriweather crew that went together to see MGMT, Vampire Weekend, Virgin Fest and had a blast. We were a fearsome foursome and haven't had a chance to reignite that awesome yet this year. Even though it's probably in September, I can't wait to hang out with my people all day seeing awesome bands. HUZZAH!
Senses: June 22, 2011
Sounds: Today, I had to turn the Goddamn radio off because, the 45 minutes I was in the car this morning, I must've heard six U2 songs spread across various stations because those bitches fall into just about every genre and station that I listen to on a regular basis and I wanted to throw myself into oncoming traffic. When I got into work, it was random iPod shuffle for a while, then Warren Zevon, a little bit of the Velvet Underground (I also heard two different Lou Reed songs on two different stations this morning, which was weird. Maybe it was his birthday or something). Then, I got involved in turntable.fm (as mentioned above) and it was all over. I capped the day off after Zach and Kirk had left work (and the fun DJ room) with some Nerdist (#51: Comedians You Should Know!). Eagles of Death Metal on my evening commute and Mike Doughty, who Anna was listening to, when I actually got home. Now, as I type this, I'm in the "Indie While You Work" public room on turntable.fm listening to a bunch of random shit, including the White Stripes, Yeah Yeah Yeahs, !!! and some weird Indie remixes. All in all, it's not bad. It's nice to hear things that I haven't heard a million times already from my library.
Sights: I had to go to Camden Yards first thing this morning when their box office opened to exchange tickets for a baseball game for our crew of friends (long story short - I bought cheap tickets through Towson U as an alumni, which was a game against the Yankees, and it got rained out so I was exchanging that group of tickets for this Friday's game against the Reds, who haven't been to town since like, 1975 or something). It was a little past 9am and the Yard looked lovely. If I hadn't been on a time crunch to get to work, I might've explored it a little more, but this is a quick picture that I snapped while I was there, using the Instagr.am program for iPhone:
Taste: I had kind of a weird lunch today that consisted of lettuce from our CSA (we have a ton of lettuce and mixed greens), cucumber, red pepper, grapes, leftover chicken (shredded) from two chickens I baked a while ago (don't worry, the chicken wasn't gross, we froze portions of it) and leftover squash and zucchini from dinner last night, with a honey Mister Mustard (another obsession) vinaigrette that I made. Overall, it was okay, but it was pretty random. Dinner was much better: grilled, BBQ thick-cut pork chop topped with mango, grilled zucchini and couscous with dried cherries, a ton of pepper and a smattering of good parm for some saltiness. I, of course, snapped a pic of that as well because I love grill marks (using Hipstamatic):
Touch: I didn't take note of any interesting touch today. Right now my hands are really dry and I've officially gone through four boxes of Kleenex since I contracted the Black Plague a week and a half ago. So, other than that, I haven't really been touching much stuff. I did see Gidget (my mom's blind Jack Russell terrier) today and she was fun to pet.
Smell: No particular smells, either. My face still sucks. I'll pick the smell of dinner cooking on the grill tonight. That was pretty rad.
Recap: Today was super fun because of the turntable.fm discovery. Otherwise, I accomplished just about everything I set out to do today, including writing this Blog because I'm tired and now dragging. So I'm just gonna end it.
I hope you all have a lovely evening, even if you are forced to hear all about U2 and Bono for the rest of the week.
-A-
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
It's Pronounced "Fronkenshteen!"
I mentioned this was a trial thing, right? And that we were still working out the kinks and trying to figure out what exactly my voice is and how it's heard?
Well, that's what's going on. Turns out, I don't feel like writing epic posts all the time. But then I was feeling bad like, oh, I should be producing so much more material because I have all these thoughts rolling around and I should be funnier and should be more this or that because that's what people expect.
But, then I reminded myself that, currently, no one is worshiping or hanging onto every word I say, waiting for me to write the Next Great Interesting Thing so that they can fawn all over it and it'll change their lives. For someone that doesn't really have an ego issue, I think I do have one in regard to writing. Like, I'm going to be so fucking funny and insightful and witty and charming that people will lose their minds over it and, when I don't deliver that all the time, I feel like I've let myself and people down. But that is A) false and B) dumb.
So, from here on out, unless I start getting paid for the bullshit I'm writing and people actually do form a cult and throw me in as the False God of said Cult (to which I will humbly thank them and take full advantage of that situation, at least for a little while because they were dumb enough to incite said cult to begin with. Getting ahead of myself a little? Maybe?), I'm going to write what I want, when I want at whatever length I want and stop apologizing for what I am/am not/have/have not/am going to write. Not everything people produce is always going to be a gem, so I think it's probably a good lesson in humility, how to be humble and also how to improve your (my) writing skills. Sometimes the best written bits are just a few words or sentences. At least that's what I'm telling myself, so I'm gonna go with that. Good? Good.
So, now that that little spiel is out of my system, let's move onto today's topic:
Mel. Fucking. Brooks.
Let's show him some respect. He is 85 today and I think he deserves a nod for A) lasting that long and B) for being one of the first real comedic influences in my early life.
One of the first CDs that I ever bought from one of those mail-order places was "The 2000 Year Old Man" with he and Carl Reiner (Ed Side note: Reiner wrote for the Dick Van Dyke Show, one of my favorite shows when I was little, along with Bewitched, I Love Lucy, The Munsters; Essentially the whole old Nick at Nite lineup. My mom's favorite movie when she was a kid was Mary Poppins, so of course I was inundated with it from a very young age and, hence, fell in love with Bert the Chimney-sweep (apparently someone else did, too). So, imagine my surprise when BERT HAD HIS OWN SHOW, but did not speak with a Cockney accent, which I was very confused by. Also, that he was not a chimney-sweep anymore. But I digress). Because of him, I was introduced to one of my favorite comediennes of all time Madeline Fucking Kahn (I learned from her that girls can be pretty AND funny), Gene Wilder (who knew he could do stuff other than be Willy Wonka?) Dom DeLuise, Rick Moranis (WTF happened to him?), John Candy (R.I.P, sadface), Richard Lewis, Dave Chappelle and a bunch of others. I learned from his movies that comedy is based on well-written and/or bad puns, politics, controversial topics, spoofs, crude humor, sometimes a one-liner, sometimes sweet lovely-dovey stuff and, sometimes, is just straight up silly for no reason other than it's simply funny.
Now that I'm older and have dabbled in writing and thought extensively about writing comedy, I love that he wrote for one of my favorite shows ever as a kid, "Get Smart," (See: Nick at Nite Lineup reference above; also, I was dying to be 99), he wrote screenplays and a contributed to a bunch of other game-changing comedies during the 1950s and 1960s.
And can we talk about Young Frankenstein for a minute? This may be my most favorite Mel Brooks Joint. Gene Wilder, Marty Feldman, my beloved Madeline Kahn AND Peter Boyle?! I can't even see the word "abnormal" without thinking "abby-normal." Blazing Saddles, Spaceballs, History of the World (Part I), The Producers, Robin Hood: Men in Tights and a ton of other stuff I'm sure I'm missing.
So, today, Happy Birthday, Mr. Brooks. My formative young years as a child understanding comedy and my funny bone that has evolved over the years would not have been the same without you.
To end, here's the bit that started it all for me: "The 2000 Year Old Man:" Part One, Part Two, Part Three.
Well, that's what's going on. Turns out, I don't feel like writing epic posts all the time. But then I was feeling bad like, oh, I should be producing so much more material because I have all these thoughts rolling around and I should be funnier and should be more this or that because that's what people expect.
But, then I reminded myself that, currently, no one is worshiping or hanging onto every word I say, waiting for me to write the Next Great Interesting Thing so that they can fawn all over it and it'll change their lives. For someone that doesn't really have an ego issue, I think I do have one in regard to writing. Like, I'm going to be so fucking funny and insightful and witty and charming that people will lose their minds over it and, when I don't deliver that all the time, I feel like I've let myself and people down. But that is A) false and B) dumb.
So, from here on out, unless I start getting paid for the bullshit I'm writing and people actually do form a cult and throw me in as the False God of said Cult (to which I will humbly thank them and take full advantage of that situation, at least for a little while because they were dumb enough to incite said cult to begin with. Getting ahead of myself a little? Maybe?), I'm going to write what I want, when I want at whatever length I want and stop apologizing for what I am/am not/have/have not/am going to write. Not everything people produce is always going to be a gem, so I think it's probably a good lesson in humility, how to be humble and also how to improve your (my) writing skills. Sometimes the best written bits are just a few words or sentences. At least that's what I'm telling myself, so I'm gonna go with that. Good? Good.
So, now that that little spiel is out of my system, let's move onto today's topic:
Mel. Fucking. Brooks.
Let's show him some respect. He is 85 today and I think he deserves a nod for A) lasting that long and B) for being one of the first real comedic influences in my early life.
One of the first CDs that I ever bought from one of those mail-order places was "The 2000 Year Old Man" with he and Carl Reiner (Ed Side note: Reiner wrote for the Dick Van Dyke Show, one of my favorite shows when I was little, along with Bewitched, I Love Lucy, The Munsters; Essentially the whole old Nick at Nite lineup. My mom's favorite movie when she was a kid was Mary Poppins, so of course I was inundated with it from a very young age and, hence, fell in love with Bert the Chimney-sweep (apparently someone else did, too). So, imagine my surprise when BERT HAD HIS OWN SHOW, but did not speak with a Cockney accent, which I was very confused by. Also, that he was not a chimney-sweep anymore. But I digress). Because of him, I was introduced to one of my favorite comediennes of all time Madeline Fucking Kahn (I learned from her that girls can be pretty AND funny), Gene Wilder (who knew he could do stuff other than be Willy Wonka?) Dom DeLuise, Rick Moranis (WTF happened to him?), John Candy (R.I.P, sadface), Richard Lewis, Dave Chappelle and a bunch of others. I learned from his movies that comedy is based on well-written and/or bad puns, politics, controversial topics, spoofs, crude humor, sometimes a one-liner, sometimes sweet lovely-dovey stuff and, sometimes, is just straight up silly for no reason other than it's simply funny.
Now that I'm older and have dabbled in writing and thought extensively about writing comedy, I love that he wrote for one of my favorite shows ever as a kid, "Get Smart," (See: Nick at Nite Lineup reference above; also, I was dying to be 99), he wrote screenplays and a contributed to a bunch of other game-changing comedies during the 1950s and 1960s.
And can we talk about Young Frankenstein for a minute? This may be my most favorite Mel Brooks Joint. Gene Wilder, Marty Feldman, my beloved Madeline Kahn AND Peter Boyle?! I can't even see the word "abnormal" without thinking "abby-normal." Blazing Saddles, Spaceballs, History of the World (Part I), The Producers, Robin Hood: Men in Tights and a ton of other stuff I'm sure I'm missing.
So, today, Happy Birthday, Mr. Brooks. My formative young years as a child understanding comedy and my funny bone that has evolved over the years would not have been the same without you.
To end, here's the bit that started it all for me: "The 2000 Year Old Man:" Part One, Part Two, Part Three.
Saturday, June 25, 2011
Friday in Fotos
Apologies for no long post today, I didn't get a chance to edit it because I was busy doing these things for the last 12 hours:
Picking green and yellow beans at the CSA.
Picking Lavender at my CSA.
Having awesome seats at the O's vs. Reds game.
Taking pics of players from our awesome seats.
Watching fireworks at Camden Yards after the game was over.
Mojitos & nachos (mom's favorite) from Little Havana.
Now, going to bed.
More tomorrow, fading out,
-A
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Picking green and yellow beans at the CSA.
Picking Lavender at my CSA.
Having awesome seats at the O's vs. Reds game.
Taking pics of players from our awesome seats.
Watching fireworks at Camden Yards after the game was over.
Mojitos & nachos (mom's favorite) from Little Havana.
Now, going to bed.
More tomorrow, fading out,
-A
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Thoughts About Being 29 and a Half
Today, I have decided that I am grateful for almost being 30.
That may sound a little weird, but hear me out.
I have passed the milestone of 27, so apparently I am not destined to be a rocker or tragic hero, as I so pictured myself in my youth.Live fast, live hard, die young. Apparently I maneuvered past that at some point, so, yay me.
I have survived college, barely. Not because of lack of smarts, but quite the opposite. I had decided that I was too smart for that bullshit to have to continue to attend and someone should just give me a degree because it was a waste of my valuable time. Thank you, Overblown Ego. I made it through after much kicking and screaming. I even took additional college courses (which I swore, after I graduated, that I would never do again) in Accounting and Graphic Design by my own accord. I'm even fairly certain that Grad School is going to happen in my early-to-mid-thirties. I think I'm finally going to break down and get my English degree, but that's another topic for another day.
I have survived my first real love and subsequent broken heart. And feeling feelings about other relationships. I'm still licking my wounds from time to time, believe it or not, but it's made me a much better person (and not nearly as passive).
I have survived my own interpersonal relationships with others, falling apart, becoming fractured, breaking and mending over the years, including my family and people I considered close friends. On the other hand, I've rebuilt relationships with people I hadn't talked to in years and things fall into place, like they never changed.
I've been a borderline alcoholic, addicted to diet pills, a smoker, a stoner, in therapy, on medication and in treatment for many of my potentially fatal flaws over the years, but much of that was a learning process and, for that, I am grateful. I've reached a point where all of those things have either fallen off my radar or adjusted to a manageable level. Yes, I'm kind of a head case, but aren't we all? The only difference is that I own up to it and make great effort to keep my shit together and off of other people's plates.
I have a house, a car, rad friends, a (fairly) stable job and a few pennies to rub together. Not many, but a few. I'm not affluent by any stretch, but I don't live in desolation. I often rob Peter to pay Paul, but I never don't make it work or don't pay my bills. I have a tight sense of budget, diligent work ethic and definitely know the value of a dollar.
I've weeded out most of the people from my life who are not good people and are toxic and destructive to myself and others. I've chosen to surround myself with positive, supportive and, mainly, hysterical individuals whom I keep very close to my heart and they help keep me sane. I am grateful for them and their ridiculous senses of humor and fantastic company constantly.
I think what spurred all of this is that I actually saw someone today at Target that I used to consider a close friend, but have since learned that he is an addict and a liar and I, along with others, were fooled. Without going into detail and berating an individual within an inch of his life, seeing him made me grateful that he's not in my life anymore and that I don't have to be concerned with that interpersonal relationship. It is a breathe of fresh air and it reminds me how far I've come in my 20s and how I feel that, upon entering a new decade, I've laid a lot of the groundwork for success in the years ahead. It came with a lot of blood, sweat and tears, amongst other things, but it's here and I look forward to starting that new chapter of my life and leaving my 20s behind as memories and lessons learned.
Senses: June 21, 2011
Sounds: This morning it was the Decemberists. I just wanted to listen to some epic, concept albums in the background while I was working. I ended up listening to "The Crane Wife," "Hazards of Love" and the newest, "The King is Dead." I left my iTunes on random much of the afternoon and then started listening to an old Nerdist podcast (#37: Live at Bumbershoot, in case you're interested) to finish up the work day. Previously, I had only been listening to the Nerdist when I was at the gym because most of them are 45 mins - 1 hour and I stay engaged because it's new, but I haven't been to the gym for a while and I have a million to go through, so I gave in this afternoon. I listened to some Thao with the Get Down, Stay Down in the car on my way home ("Know Better Learn Faster"). I turned on Pandora when I started writing and my station, which I had spent months crafting, was MIA. Hopefully, this is only a temporary blip and it will be restored. So, instead, I listened to the Classic Indie Station (seriously? There's "Classic Indie?) and it immediately played The Cure, who I hate. Robert Smith haunts me, for some reason. He looks like a batshit crazy, old queen and I always think he sounds like Azrael Abyss in my head.
Sights: Obviously, that Bastard that I saw in Target was a sight today that spurred this outpouring of thoughts about my place in life and apparent need to self-validate the last ten years of my existence and what they mean to me today. So, I guess that is turning lemons into lemonade, eh? (I just turned Canadian, did you see that?)
Taste: Today, I enjoyed my lunch of leftovers greatly, which consisted of chicken Parmesan that I made with my dad on Father's Day, paired with leftover squash and zucchini from dinner last night that reheated in a lovely fashion and were, again, delicious. I love squash. I also had tomato soup (Campbell's, canned, Healthy Version, made with skim milk instead of water) and a weird grilled cheese and turkey pepperoni sandwich that I made with the ends of bread. I didn't eat until after 9:30 tonight, so I figured that was an acceptable dinner.
Touch: Today, it was raining outside when I left the house to go to work and I appreciated it, because it meant I got to wear my favorite rain hat (I don't really like umbrellas, I always fuck them up in some manner or another), so that was okay. I did note, as I walked outside this morning, that even though it was the beginning of a humid day that I thought the light rain was nice.
Smell: No particular smells today. My sinuses are still kind of fucked, though, and I've been blowing my nose all day, but I think the thing that resonated the most today was the grilled cheese and soup I made. Even though they're not super distinctive, they always are comforting and remind me of when I was a kid.
Daily Recap: A little humble, reflective and slightly melancholy, but feeling hopeful about the future. I have a lot to do tomorrow, so my goal is to stay as focused as possible to complete all tasks at hand. Focus, focus, focus. I did revisit Keri Smith's blog today and it reminded me of how much I love her. She's very whimsical and makes fantastic books that aim to bring out the creative side and kid in all of us and to learn how to play again in such a stoic, adult world. Her books and Patton Oswalt's book ("Zombie, Spaceship, Wasteland") are next in my line to buy.
Time for Quiet,
A
Editor's Note: Not all my entries will be so reflective. I think it's just where I am right now, so if you power through it and stick with me, I promise they'll get funnier and broader. I'm not apologizing for anything I'm writing, but I just want the new reader to know that I have the capacity to be much more entertaining and smart and witty and funny. Just not today. Today is a day for reflection.
That may sound a little weird, but hear me out.
I have passed the milestone of 27, so apparently I am not destined to be a rocker or tragic hero, as I so pictured myself in my youth.Live fast, live hard, die young. Apparently I maneuvered past that at some point, so, yay me.
I have survived college, barely. Not because of lack of smarts, but quite the opposite. I had decided that I was too smart for that bullshit to have to continue to attend and someone should just give me a degree because it was a waste of my valuable time. Thank you, Overblown Ego. I made it through after much kicking and screaming. I even took additional college courses (which I swore, after I graduated, that I would never do again) in Accounting and Graphic Design by my own accord. I'm even fairly certain that Grad School is going to happen in my early-to-mid-thirties. I think I'm finally going to break down and get my English degree, but that's another topic for another day.
I have survived my first real love and subsequent broken heart. And feeling feelings about other relationships. I'm still licking my wounds from time to time, believe it or not, but it's made me a much better person (and not nearly as passive).
I have survived my own interpersonal relationships with others, falling apart, becoming fractured, breaking and mending over the years, including my family and people I considered close friends. On the other hand, I've rebuilt relationships with people I hadn't talked to in years and things fall into place, like they never changed.
I've been a borderline alcoholic, addicted to diet pills, a smoker, a stoner, in therapy, on medication and in treatment for many of my potentially fatal flaws over the years, but much of that was a learning process and, for that, I am grateful. I've reached a point where all of those things have either fallen off my radar or adjusted to a manageable level. Yes, I'm kind of a head case, but aren't we all? The only difference is that I own up to it and make great effort to keep my shit together and off of other people's plates.
I have a house, a car, rad friends, a (fairly) stable job and a few pennies to rub together. Not many, but a few. I'm not affluent by any stretch, but I don't live in desolation. I often rob Peter to pay Paul, but I never don't make it work or don't pay my bills. I have a tight sense of budget, diligent work ethic and definitely know the value of a dollar.
I've weeded out most of the people from my life who are not good people and are toxic and destructive to myself and others. I've chosen to surround myself with positive, supportive and, mainly, hysterical individuals whom I keep very close to my heart and they help keep me sane. I am grateful for them and their ridiculous senses of humor and fantastic company constantly.
I think what spurred all of this is that I actually saw someone today at Target that I used to consider a close friend, but have since learned that he is an addict and a liar and I, along with others, were fooled. Without going into detail and berating an individual within an inch of his life, seeing him made me grateful that he's not in my life anymore and that I don't have to be concerned with that interpersonal relationship. It is a breathe of fresh air and it reminds me how far I've come in my 20s and how I feel that, upon entering a new decade, I've laid a lot of the groundwork for success in the years ahead. It came with a lot of blood, sweat and tears, amongst other things, but it's here and I look forward to starting that new chapter of my life and leaving my 20s behind as memories and lessons learned.
Senses: June 21, 2011
Sounds: This morning it was the Decemberists. I just wanted to listen to some epic, concept albums in the background while I was working. I ended up listening to "The Crane Wife," "Hazards of Love" and the newest, "The King is Dead." I left my iTunes on random much of the afternoon and then started listening to an old Nerdist podcast (#37: Live at Bumbershoot, in case you're interested) to finish up the work day. Previously, I had only been listening to the Nerdist when I was at the gym because most of them are 45 mins - 1 hour and I stay engaged because it's new, but I haven't been to the gym for a while and I have a million to go through, so I gave in this afternoon. I listened to some Thao with the Get Down, Stay Down in the car on my way home ("Know Better Learn Faster"). I turned on Pandora when I started writing and my station, which I had spent months crafting, was MIA. Hopefully, this is only a temporary blip and it will be restored. So, instead, I listened to the Classic Indie Station (seriously? There's "Classic Indie?) and it immediately played The Cure, who I hate. Robert Smith haunts me, for some reason. He looks like a batshit crazy, old queen and I always think he sounds like Azrael Abyss in my head.
Sights: Obviously, that Bastard that I saw in Target was a sight today that spurred this outpouring of thoughts about my place in life and apparent need to self-validate the last ten years of my existence and what they mean to me today. So, I guess that is turning lemons into lemonade, eh? (I just turned Canadian, did you see that?)
Taste: Today, I enjoyed my lunch of leftovers greatly, which consisted of chicken Parmesan that I made with my dad on Father's Day, paired with leftover squash and zucchini from dinner last night that reheated in a lovely fashion and were, again, delicious. I love squash. I also had tomato soup (Campbell's, canned, Healthy Version, made with skim milk instead of water) and a weird grilled cheese and turkey pepperoni sandwich that I made with the ends of bread. I didn't eat until after 9:30 tonight, so I figured that was an acceptable dinner.
Touch: Today, it was raining outside when I left the house to go to work and I appreciated it, because it meant I got to wear my favorite rain hat (I don't really like umbrellas, I always fuck them up in some manner or another), so that was okay. I did note, as I walked outside this morning, that even though it was the beginning of a humid day that I thought the light rain was nice.
Smell: No particular smells today. My sinuses are still kind of fucked, though, and I've been blowing my nose all day, but I think the thing that resonated the most today was the grilled cheese and soup I made. Even though they're not super distinctive, they always are comforting and remind me of when I was a kid.
Daily Recap: A little humble, reflective and slightly melancholy, but feeling hopeful about the future. I have a lot to do tomorrow, so my goal is to stay as focused as possible to complete all tasks at hand. Focus, focus, focus. I did revisit Keri Smith's blog today and it reminded me of how much I love her. She's very whimsical and makes fantastic books that aim to bring out the creative side and kid in all of us and to learn how to play again in such a stoic, adult world. Her books and Patton Oswalt's book ("Zombie, Spaceship, Wasteland") are next in my line to buy.
Time for Quiet,
A
Editor's Note: Not all my entries will be so reflective. I think it's just where I am right now, so if you power through it and stick with me, I promise they'll get funnier and broader. I'm not apologizing for anything I'm writing, but I just want the new reader to know that I have the capacity to be much more entertaining and smart and witty and funny. Just not today. Today is a day for reflection.
Cultivating an Empire
Hello, Friends and Foes.
So, now that you've stumbled your way into my world, Alice, please feel free to explore.
This current Blog is a culmination of many failed attempts at Blogs and writing that I've experienced during the past few years. Things that I haven't written down when I wanted to. Thoughts that I've had rattling around in my brain as I spend at least an hour per day in my car. Lists that I make, written or mental.
This is me, for better or worse. These are things that I think about and like. Or don't like. And, if you don't like it or don't agree, you can either leave me little love notes in the comments section or feel free to leave and move on with your life.
I'm almost 30 and, at the end of the day, I've learned that even though I love for people to read what I write and listen to what I have to say, not everyone will agree and that's okay. Because I have my philosophy and that's what I've learned is the most important thing that I could have.
If you choose to stay, thank you and please feel free to share your feedback or own experiences or thoughts, positive or negative. I would love to hear what you have to say and, with some luck, hopefully you'd like to come back and keep reading these silly words that I type and think.
I'm still tweaking and working things out, so let's see how this goes. As of 11:44 PM on Monday, June 20, 2011, I haven't told anyone my plans because I'm still trying to find my voice, as well as my balls. It's scary letting the world have a little piece of your inner brain. Or, at least, it is for me. So let's give this a go and see where we land because we have a lot of shit to cover, my friends.
One thing that I did in my old Blog was record my senses from the day. Once you start reading and you learn more about me and the way that I operate, you'll find that I always have a soundtrack to my days, which is one of the main things that has kept me afloat through this world. I also hope you like music, because there's going to be a lot of that talk as well. I think that, overall, it's a good exercise to make yourself more cognizant of the world around you and take inventory of what you actually noticed as you wove your way through the doldrums of regular life and work.
Senses: June 20,2011
Sounds: This morning, I was fixated on Flogging Molly. I finally got around to listening to "Speed of Darkness," and, it's okay. It's not striking me as hard as their earlier stuff did, but they still sound great. I can't tell if it's just my mood or they've become more generic in their own right over the years. It's no "Swagger" or "Druken Lullabies," I'll tell you that. Otherwise, it's been a lot of iTunes random today and the radio. I wasn't feeling particular this afternoon. David Bowie is playing right now, as I type this, and that makes me happy ("Starman" is on WTMD, currently).
Sights: The best thing I saw all day was as I was driving down the street to my house, coming home. There was a kid on a bike, probably 12 or 13, that had a cast on his arm and was rapping and popping and locking at cars as he was rolling down the street. I genuinely giggled at him as I drove by and we made eye contact. He didn't break at all.
Taste: Coffee, for the first time in a week, which was glorious (I had contracted The Black Death last week and had been staying away from loads of dairy, which is how I take my coffee, so I had been drinking tea instead). Leftover broth + accessories, which amounts to lots of greens from my CSA, stock, ham & rice, which looks like this when it's done:
My roommate, Anna, also made dinner which was lovely and consisted of sauteed yellow squash and green zucchini (my favorite) that we had from the CSA as well, in addition to shelled peas and some leftover chicken and pepper kabobs. You'll learn more about my love affair with my local CSA in the coming weeks (check it out in the "Things I Dig" part).
Touch: Still happy about washing all textiles on my bed from over the weekend and its glorious texture. I love clean sheets and linens. They make me swoon.
Smell: My standout smell of the day is garlic. Anna used it in the squash and also roasted pita chips tonight, which smelled delicious.
Daily Recap: Overall, not too bad. Took some time to revamp and streamline the Blog and some other publicly-viewed pages so that everything has just about the same information. One of my biggest fears is having weirdos looking at my information, so I'm trying to keep what is accessible about me at a happy-medium. Also, took the time to dream a bit today about all the possibilities of writing again. Today, I believe it's good to dream.
Thank you for reading my ramblings. I hope you got some enjoyment out of them.
You alright, baby. You alright, still.
A
So, now that you've stumbled your way into my world, Alice, please feel free to explore.
This current Blog is a culmination of many failed attempts at Blogs and writing that I've experienced during the past few years. Things that I haven't written down when I wanted to. Thoughts that I've had rattling around in my brain as I spend at least an hour per day in my car. Lists that I make, written or mental.
This is me, for better or worse. These are things that I think about and like. Or don't like. And, if you don't like it or don't agree, you can either leave me little love notes in the comments section or feel free to leave and move on with your life.
I'm almost 30 and, at the end of the day, I've learned that even though I love for people to read what I write and listen to what I have to say, not everyone will agree and that's okay. Because I have my philosophy and that's what I've learned is the most important thing that I could have.
If you choose to stay, thank you and please feel free to share your feedback or own experiences or thoughts, positive or negative. I would love to hear what you have to say and, with some luck, hopefully you'd like to come back and keep reading these silly words that I type and think.
I'm still tweaking and working things out, so let's see how this goes. As of 11:44 PM on Monday, June 20, 2011, I haven't told anyone my plans because I'm still trying to find my voice, as well as my balls. It's scary letting the world have a little piece of your inner brain. Or, at least, it is for me. So let's give this a go and see where we land because we have a lot of shit to cover, my friends.
One thing that I did in my old Blog was record my senses from the day. Once you start reading and you learn more about me and the way that I operate, you'll find that I always have a soundtrack to my days, which is one of the main things that has kept me afloat through this world. I also hope you like music, because there's going to be a lot of that talk as well. I think that, overall, it's a good exercise to make yourself more cognizant of the world around you and take inventory of what you actually noticed as you wove your way through the doldrums of regular life and work.
Senses: June 20,2011
Sounds: This morning, I was fixated on Flogging Molly. I finally got around to listening to "Speed of Darkness," and, it's okay. It's not striking me as hard as their earlier stuff did, but they still sound great. I can't tell if it's just my mood or they've become more generic in their own right over the years. It's no "Swagger" or "Druken Lullabies," I'll tell you that. Otherwise, it's been a lot of iTunes random today and the radio. I wasn't feeling particular this afternoon. David Bowie is playing right now, as I type this, and that makes me happy ("Starman" is on WTMD, currently).
Sights: The best thing I saw all day was as I was driving down the street to my house, coming home. There was a kid on a bike, probably 12 or 13, that had a cast on his arm and was rapping and popping and locking at cars as he was rolling down the street. I genuinely giggled at him as I drove by and we made eye contact. He didn't break at all.
Taste: Coffee, for the first time in a week, which was glorious (I had contracted The Black Death last week and had been staying away from loads of dairy, which is how I take my coffee, so I had been drinking tea instead). Leftover broth + accessories, which amounts to lots of greens from my CSA, stock, ham & rice, which looks like this when it's done:
Touch: Still happy about washing all textiles on my bed from over the weekend and its glorious texture. I love clean sheets and linens. They make me swoon.
Smell: My standout smell of the day is garlic. Anna used it in the squash and also roasted pita chips tonight, which smelled delicious.
Daily Recap: Overall, not too bad. Took some time to revamp and streamline the Blog and some other publicly-viewed pages so that everything has just about the same information. One of my biggest fears is having weirdos looking at my information, so I'm trying to keep what is accessible about me at a happy-medium. Also, took the time to dream a bit today about all the possibilities of writing again. Today, I believe it's good to dream.
Thank you for reading my ramblings. I hope you got some enjoyment out of them.
You alright, baby. You alright, still.
A
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